So much for my plans to spend more time on this blog again!
I received a text from a friend last night asking if I was alright. I’d been quiet lately. Yes, I am well. Trying to stay busy. Wanting to focus more on the things that
demand require deserve my time and attention. Not really succeeding, but trying. Sort of… when I wasn’t too distracted.
I am alright. I really am, but there are things on my mind. Things I think so much about that I’d like to not think so much about… and yet I must. I miss my sons, my daughter-in-law, my grandbaby. One family member is struggling and in an emotional funk. Sometimes I think it’s serious and I worry. Other times I think it’s part of the human condition and will pass, if they have eyes to see. Another family member is frustrated beyond belief about the day-to-day workings of our household… or is that “not-workings”? Another family member is exhausted. Yet another is just kind of in a holding pattern, observing many of these things and being unsure about everything. And then there’s me. I feel overwhelmed. I know, I believe, and I trust and that is why I can honestly say I’m alright, but I am overwhelmed, too.
I find it exhausting and nearly impossible to pray for these things so close to me. I have no problem praying for friends, even strangers, but when it comes to this, I sit. I stew. I fret. I try to do all of these things with our Lord, but I don’t really pray. I know it “counts” in some way, but …
All of this has worn on me. I can’t precisely describe how.
A bit ago, I promised a review of One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp. I’d thought about it a lot, but couldn’t quite put everything together. One thing that I found difficult in reading that book was Ann’s writing style. It is beautiful writing, but for me, the beauty of the writing, the words, the “poe-prose” is distracting. I really prefer plain writing. It may be because my imagination is weak and not terribly visual. The message kept getting lost. Purchasing the audiobook helped a lot. Hearing Ann read it, with the tones and inflections you can’t always catch in writing, made a big difference for me.
Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving. Gratitude. Seeing God in all things. This is the basic theme of her book. This is the transforming point in her life. Probably in many lives. Maybe even mine.
I have this little “issue” with following, though. A “list” ~ a writing out of 1,000 gifts ~ seems destined to become something of a “fad” in my skeptical mind ~ and perhaps it already is one for many people. I don’t want to jump on a fad. I don’t want to be a “copy-cat”. Silly, no? Yes. Lately, though, I have had the thought that it is only a fad if I do it for the wrong reason (everybody’s doing it) and if I don’t allow a transformation to come. I don’t know that starting a list would be a major key to some sort of transformation in me, but what if it was?
After working through that, I then remembered that it is my birthright as a Catholic to celebrate Euchristeo fuller than full because I have the Eucharist… the full and total Thanksgiving in Christ and His Eternal, On-going, Complete sacrifice, found on every altar, every hour of every day. I have the Real Presence of Christ, Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity. Eucharisteo is my birthright and ought to be the very center of my life. Perhaps living a more deliberate Eucharisteo outside of the Mass, in every single moment that God Himself gives me, is the key to facing the nitty-gritty burdens and stresses, worries and troubles of daily life. Perhaps one way to try to do that is to deliberately choose to make a list and not let it be a “fad”. Afterall, what harm could come from it?
I think I will try it. It’s not an obligation, but I will accept it as a challenge from me and about me. I put it in Our Lord’s hands and ask Him to use it as a means of grace ~or not.
Ann Voskamp’s book gets a thumbs up from me. It is good. Even considering that I would desire more plain, less beautiful writing, it is a good book and it has the power, I believe, to help many people.
To my friend who checked in on me last night: Thank you. I really am well. I am very grateful for your friendship and your concern. You rock, Girlie!