I cannot tell you how much I love being here and loving on that sweet, sweet granddaughter of mine! In the early hours of the morning, when Gariníon wakes to feed and then either doesn’t want to sleep quite yet or just wants to be held while she sleeps, Grandma gets to “take over.” It’s so nice to feel needed! Grandmas can hold and kiss and love on babies ~ and we love to do it! I feel useful, too, when I cook a meal or wash some dishes or do some laundry. I wish there was more that I could do to help.
The kids are doing such a wonderful job of taking care of her. They are naturals. I love seeing my son and daughter-in-law as parents.
I have enjoyed the time I’ve spent here very much, but I underestimated how much I would miss home and Chief and the kids. TheBoy is having a hard time, as I feared he might. Now that we’re in the thick of it, I think that a week here is too long. As much as I love being here (and I do! I feel very welcome and comfortable here and the baby time is amazing!) I can’t help but feel that I belong at home. Especially when I video-chat with the kids or take their calls. “Mom, what medicine can I take for…..?” “Mommy, I want you! Mommy I miss you! Can you come home NOW??”
I missed being with the girls when they found out that they were all cast for parts in the major production of Beauty and the Beast at our theater. This is a huge production. This is one that they all really wanted to do. When the cast list came out, I was here and could not jump up and down and hug and kiss them to share the excitement with them.
I miss being around to take care of the one who is feeling sick. I miss my home. I miss my routine. I miss my husband and my other kids! And yet, I am thoroughly enjoying being with these kids and Gariníon!
I know with certainty that when I come back for SuperSoldier’s homecoming, I will bring TheBoy with me. Somehow, some way, I will have at least two tickets out here for that. (I am hoping it will be 3 tickets and that Chief will come with me. Since the girls are in Beauty and the Beast, they will not be able to come out for that. I’ll have a garage sale. I’ll sell some knitting. I’ll do something!) As much as I miss them ALL, this has been extremely hard on TheBoy and I won’t leave him like that again for a long time. I am not meant to leave him like that. He is not ready for this much separation. My place is with my boy (and my girls and Chief… you get the picture!) When I need to be with another one of my [grown] boys, I will have to bring THEBOY with me.
This is one of the hard things about having such a large family spread out over 20 years. I am still at the point in my life where I am in full-time mothering mode and I am also at the point in my life where I am “needed” by the grown kids in new ways (truly, they would manage just fine without me, but I know having grandparents come to celebrate their joy and help out a bit is something the kids appreciate.) I do not regret my family or the years they span, but it is a difficult thing to feel torn in two opposing directions! There are solutions, of course (like bring TheBoy with me) and this is a lesson learned. Before we left, I didn’t think I could be here and be helpful if TheBoy was with me. I realize now that I could have brought him and still been helpful. And I wouldn’t feel so torn. (This is why children should NEVER move away from home. 🙂 )[
Now that I’ve gotten that off of my chest, I will leave you with some more pictures!!!