Burdens and Books…

So much for my plans to spend more time on this blog again!

I received a text from a friend last night asking if I was alright.  I’d been quiet lately.  Yes, I am well.  Trying to stay busy.  Wanting to focus more on the things that demand require deserve my time and attention.  Not really succeeding, but trying.  Sort of… when I wasn’t too distracted.

I am alright.  I really am, but there are things on my mind.  Things I think so much about that I’d like to not think so much about… and yet I must.  I miss my sons, my daughter-in-law, my grandbaby.  One family member is struggling and in an emotional funk.  Sometimes I think it’s serious and I worry.  Other times I think it’s part of the human condition and will pass, if they have eyes to see.  Another family member is frustrated beyond belief about the day-to-day workings of our household… or is that “not-workings”?  Another family member is exhausted.  Yet another is just kind of in a holding pattern, observing many of these things and being unsure about everything.  And then there’s me.  I feel overwhelmed.  I know, I believe, and I trust and that is why I can honestly say I’m alright, but I am overwhelmed, too.

I find it exhausting and nearly impossible to pray for these things so close to me.  I have no problem praying for friends, even strangers, but when it comes to this, I sit.  I stew.  I fret.  I try to do all of these things with our Lord, but I don’t really pray.  I know it “counts” in some way, but …

All of this has worn on me.  I can’t precisely describe how.

A bit ago, I promised a review of One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp.  I’d thought about it a lot, but couldn’t quite put everything together.  One thing that I found difficult in reading that book was Ann’s writing style.  It is beautiful writing, but for me, the beauty of the writing, the words, the “poe-prose” is distracting.  I really prefer plain writing.  It may be because my imagination is weak and not terribly visual. The message kept getting lost.  Purchasing the audiobook helped a lot.  Hearing Ann read it, with the tones and inflections you can’t always catch in writing, made a big difference for me.

Eucharisteo.  Thanksgiving.  Gratitude.  Seeing God in all things.  This is the basic theme of her book.  This is the transforming point in her life.  Probably in many lives.  Maybe even mine.

I have this little “issue” with following, though.  A “list” ~ a writing out of 1,000 gifts ~ seems destined to become something of a “fad” in my skeptical mind ~ and perhaps it already is one for many people.  I don’t want to jump on a fad.  I don’t want to be a “copy-cat”.  Silly, no?  Yes.  Lately, though, I have had the thought that it is only a fad if I do it for the wrong reason (everybody’s doing it) and if I don’t allow a transformation to come.  I don’t know that starting a list would be a major key to some sort of transformation in me, but what if it was?

After working through that, I then remembered that it is my birthright as a Catholic to celebrate Euchristeo fuller than full because I have the Eucharist… the full and total Thanksgiving in Christ and His Eternal, On-going, Complete sacrifice, found on every altar, every hour of every day.  I have the Real Presence of Christ, Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity.   Eucharisteo is my birthright and ought to be the very center of my life.  Perhaps living a more deliberate Eucharisteo outside of the Mass, in every single moment that God Himself gives me, is the key to facing the nitty-gritty burdens and stresses, worries and troubles of daily life.  Perhaps one way to try to do that is to deliberately choose to make a list and not let it be a “fad”.  Afterall, what harm could come from it?

I think I will try it.  It’s not an obligation, but I will accept it as a challenge from me and about me.  I put it in Our Lord’s hands and ask Him to use it as a means of grace ~or not.

Ann Voskamp’s book gets a thumbs up from me.  It is good.  Even considering that I would desire more plain, less beautiful writing, it is a good book and it has the power, I believe, to help many people.

To my friend who checked in on me last night:  Thank you.  I really am well.  I am very grateful for your friendship and your concern.  You rock, Girlie!

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About becomewhatyouare

Catholic, Middle-Aged, Knitting-Addicted, Wife, Homeschooler, Mom of 6, Mom-in-Law to 1, Mother of 11 little saints, Grandma to 1, Godmother to 12, Foster Mom to 5, Army mom, Happily living in Texas!
This entry was posted in Books, Brain Spill, Family, Friends, Me. Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Burdens and Books…

  1. MimiDenise says:

    *sigh*

  2. Karen Patton says:

    I will pray some special prayers for you and your family. “This to shall pass” is often the motto that gets me through rougher times. I have just started Ann’s book, and I totally agree about the writing style…while beautiful (to a point) it is distracting to me. I have not gotten very far, and I have shifted gears to something else. I’ll have to look into the audio book. So many of your thoughts here are my thoughts. Keep writing and talking…it is helpful for me. Hugs, Karen +AMDG+

  3. KC says:

    I’ll pray for your intentions as you have prayed so often for mine.

  4. Yasher says:

    Hang in there lady, I know there are smoother days ahead. And if you can’t pray for yourself, then we (yes, even we infrequent prayer types) will pray FOR you and yours. Just put one foot in front of the other. You’ll get where you’re going. And we’ll be rooting for you the whole way! (hug)

  5. Elaine says:

    Yes, for all of the people blessed to be a part of your life know that many will be praying for you and your family. I too get caught up in praying for everyone else and forget my family. Throughout the day I find myself asking the Lord to pray for family but they are short prayers and often not complete if that makes sense. I feel they aren’t complete prayers since I’m not closing my eyes and concentrating on the needs and safety or myself.

    Philippians 4:6-7

  6. Lisa Sweet says:

    Wow. I get it. I am there.
    You’ve done a great job of describing that which is so difficult to describe.
    Prayers.

  7. Praying for you … have been their. Still am sometimes… Only God can help.

  8. I have been in a “funk” too, and have not been visiting my usual blogging buddies. Life seems to get away from me, and being the type that thrives on order and routine, it is hard for me.

    I also have been having a period of spiritual dryness, which makes me feel very lonely at times.

  9. Danielle says:

    I too understand what you are saying. I remember the many personal talks we have had and the times you have helped me through my funks and difficult times. For all the times you were a prayer warrior for me, it is now my turn to return the favor and pray for you and your family. Your prayers for my family paid off and I am in such a wonderful happy place now with everything falling into place. I feel so blessed and at peace because of the prayers you gave up for me, my husband, and children. May God continue to bless your family….don’t give up and keep praying, keep trying. HE hears you and the rest of us, your friends, we hear you too and we love you. As another above said, you put in words what is difficult to describe.

    Your friend in Christ,

    Dani

  10. mary says:

    Thanks for your thoughts on the book One Thousand Gifts. I’ve been debating whether to order the book or not and I keep putting it off for the very reasons that you’ve mentioned above – the author’s writing style and my preference for plain speech when it comes to books on the spiritual life. She is obviously a gifted writer but I find her style a bit distacting (I’ve read excerpts from the book). Maybe I’ll try the audiobook instead. Thank you!

  11. rosario says:

    I have been away from my blog too, and recently started blogging again. Hope everything is going well with you. Will be praying for you and your family.

  12. Theresa says:

    Just wanted to stop in and tell you I’ve been thinking about you! Hope you and your family are doing great!

  13. Debbie says:

    I hope all is well with you and that you start blogging again soon. I find your words refreshing. You are part of my morning routine!

  14. Yasher says:

    Little purple periwinkles are popping up all over our townhouse complex and they made me think of you and this awesome hat that someone made for my daughter.

    Sending best wishes to you and yours. (hug)

  15. Dawn Farias says:

    Ah, friend, you are carrying many burdens. I know what you mean about fretting more than praying. I will pray for you. I hope things have become simpler since you posted this.

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